robynchill@sbcglobal.net

We are all familiar with the story of Cinderella – she has a horrible life until she meets Prince Charming who rescues her from her home and they are married instantly to live happily ever after. But has anyone ever considered what "happily ever after" really meant?

It is never discussed what the day after the wedding was like for Cinderella. What really happened after the honeymoon? Did Prince Charming expect Cinderella to cook for him daily? Maybe he wanted her to do all the cleaning since she was the woman of the house. I wonder how their communication was. Was Prince a man of few words, leaving young Cinderella feeling emotionally neglected? I wonder if they ever fought over the number of children they were to have or if they were going to have any pets. Did Cinderella want to stay at home and be a home maker but Prince wanted her to be a working woman?

While reading this, you may find yourself chuckling at the thought of these fictional characters having marital conflict but what is not funny is that many young married couples are fighting over these very issues and it is a detriment to their relationships. Numerous women dream about their Prince Charming and prepare for their glorious wedding day but never prepare for the day after. I call this the "Cinderella Effect". I have counseled many women who blindly entered into a Godly union hoping for a fairytale ending, only to find out shortly after that marriage takes more work that that.

So then, what should we do? – you might ask. Plan! Jesus said in Luke 14:28 when talking about becoming His disciple, "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sits not down first, and counts the cost, whether he has enough to finish it? (NKJV)" Essentially, He is telling his disciples to not only look at the present situation but to truly think about what all is entailed in being His disciple. I too urge young women to view marriage in the full parameters of the relationship. This planning begins with communication. Couples need to talk about their expectations for the relationship. Some good topics to discuss would be:

▪ Children ▪ Work/Employment Goals ▪ Home Ownership Goals ▪ Ministry Goals ▪ Church Home (if going to different churches) ▪ Spousal Roles ▪ Family Values ▪ Doctrinal Beliefs ▪ Life Goals ▪ Parent Relationship (i.e. In-law Involvement) ▪ Communication Styles ▪ Finances ▪ and Conflict Management.

These topics are very important issues often overlooked by courting couples. We often find these as unimportant or we expect to be able to change the person later. This can be very damaging to the relationship and to the person’s emotional well-being if differing opinions are not taken seriously. The time before the wedding is when you should find out what you agree on and what you don’t, what can be worked through and what can’t. While these may not be the most romantic things to discuss before marriage, knowing what to expect can keep the romance during the marriage. Solomon says it best, "My child, don’t lose sight of good planning and insight. Hang on to them, for they will fill you with life and bring you honor and respect. They will keep you safe on your way and keep you from stumbling. You can lie down without fear and enjoy pleasant dreams. You need not be afraid of disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from becoming caught in a trap" (Proverbs 3:21-26, NLT).

Copyright 2005 by Robyn C. Hill